Tonight was a sad night for me.  It was the last night of me and the FORCE.  We told the kidos goodbye.  I was doing just doing okay, then Luke came in.  I was so happy to see him, then all my old FORCE memories clouded my brain.  He was one of my first youth at PBBC.  One of my babies.  I hugged him and for some reason I just didn't want to let go.  I wish that I could have hugged zack like that the last time I saw him. 

After the lesson I did something stupid.  A couple of kidos, (I was molding them to be the next Dami, RAjenn, were pretty upset.  I didn't know what to say...at first some wierd emotion of me being mad at them for crying came over me.  I thought, they've been through so much worse than this...they shouldn't be crying..I said the first thing that came to my head.  Guys, its gonna be okay, its not like we are dead or anything...oops..regretted it as I said it.  I made ashley more upset...  I apologized later.  I felt awful.  But, I thought it would make them feel better if they knew i would be back, i would visit.  But in reality...distance gets further and further.  My birdies were gonna visit often, and they have more than i thought.  But lives change, get busy and go in different circles.  NO matter what, I need, I want my FORCErs to know...I love them...I wanted to stay with them.  It was not my choice to leave. 

It's not Joel's fault either really.  Even though its easier to blame him.  I can see it so clearly that God wants us in this place for some reason.  First he gave Joel this job.  Placed (well sorta, we paid a lot for it) this house in our hands, slapped me in the face with this job.  Now we've found a church we think we can call home.  There's acutally folks there our age, hard to find nowadays.  Dacie even likes the potties there.  I should be thanking God for making it so clear.  But it hasn't always been so clear. We prayed, cried, discussed, cussed (well discussed loudly) over this for sometime.  Waldron has been a difficult change.  More difficult than leaving home, moving away to college, starting my first teaching job.  Mainly because I was so comfortable at Oden.  I felt like I had one big family, community. 

Pray for the Pencil Bluff Baptist Youth group.  They lost their pastor of many years, and his awesome family, our Zack, and now us.  We can be replaced much easier than the others, and they will see this.  But they are still hurting. 

Question?  at what point do you let go of the past and look to the future?

Ive reached the end of the internet.  Mom bought me a new laptop..A dell XPS.  It is so fast and I have dsl now too.  So it only takes 5 min to do things that used to take forever. 

My classroom is coming along  I have mouse poo all over the place.  I guess cause I have pretty much 50 percent of my cieling tiles.  Cause the roof leaks and my roof got the worst leaks.  Supposed to be getting fixed.

We are working on safeguarding our house with all joel's guns.  Joel is 100% cop.  So there are guns everywhere. He got all rambo or whatever after he attended a tacticle shooting class.  Makes you paranoid is what I think.  So we have plans if someone is entering our house without permission. Meaning...you gonna get shot.  Today I went online and bought a safe and keyless doorknob for his office to put guns in there.  So now they are gonna be secure.  No I'm not telling robbers to come to my house cause there are guns...we dont' have tons...but more than one is too many for me.  I'm saying...if you try to break in our house...we'll be ready. LOL  Well this post is more disturbing than I thought it was going to be.

I finished all the twilight books.  I loved them.  I want to go see the sisterhood movie bad. 

Dacie enjoyed her first day at preschool.  She had a blast.  The only information I drew from her was that she doesn't like watermelon "cause of all the birdseeds in it". LOL.  Oh and a boy cried cause the slide was hot.

So I've been going to the gym for two weeks now. I'm exercising 5 times a week.  Weight loss=ZERO!! I am so ticked too.  I got up the courage to go to aerobics tuesday.  I felt like I guess what they called it a duck out of water.  But ducks live on land too. SO that doesn't make sense.  BUt anyways.  It was step.  You have to do your thing on a step.  I didn't fall off, score one for me, but my brain doesn't communicate with my feet.  Just when I think I've got a step we go on to another.  I came home so tired.  I was gonna take a cold shower.  Neigbors invited us to go swimming.  I came in and woke dacie up from a nap and we went swimming.  I jumped right in.  Joel didn't get to go he had to go back to work.  Thursday was floor aerobics.  I thought I would be okay with it cause through the years I've attended different aerobics classes and I was decent.  I love my walk away the pounds DVD,except you have to listen to that woman talk all the way through it.  Well floor aerobics was equally  as hard.  I was able to keep up till we started spinning and going differnt directions.  The aerobics instructor is really nice.  I will be working with her at the High school this year.  She has more bounce in her step.  I was lucky just to go the same direction as everyone else.  I came home and told Joel I just hate working out.  There is no way I can make this a life style change if its something I hate. Of course he wasn't very encouraging.  It's hard for me to lose weight just by not eating.  I love food, I love to cook, I love to eat!  My vice is sweets and chips.  I love my BLUE chips.  or cool ranch doritoes.  I'm trying to eat smaller portions and no seconds.  That's why I'm trying to work out so much, so I don't have to rob myself of my favorites if I get a craving.  So if anyone needs something to pray for, ME...I just want to lose some weight to be healthier and more comfortable with myself.